Sleep

Definatly need to catch up on it. I'm so tired....Bah. Hopefully I'll be going to be early tonight so that'll be nice.

It was great, got to see Chrs yesterday, made my Monday, even if it was only for a few hours. I'm hoping thigns stay on this uphill path for a while, its about time something goes right in my life...I've been delt a lot of shit in the past few months.

I'm trying to write in this everyday, but I'm running out of things to write about...and I know no one really reads this anyways...but still.

I'm really hoping Chris decides he wants to move back in soon...I'm hoping before Dec. Once he pays part of his parents off and gets a truck, which wont be too far off, 1 month to pay off his parents, about 1 month to get a truck...that puts it at Nov...I think it's doable. I just really want to get life back to the way it was...and I know there are things he wants to do before he comes back, but I don't think life will be "fixed" or go back to the way it was until he moves in. I just want my lvoe back, my life back, and my forever back. Part of me still wonders if that's his only reason for not moving back right now...maybe there is something else going on that I just don't know about...but then again, the other part of me just yells at the doubting part telling it to shut up because it's just paranoid thoughts plaguing me....I hope I'm right.

Yay

My shows are over, yay. I usually don't get tired of a show, but this time, man, I was just kinda done. IT was fun, don't get me wrong...I dunno. Was weird this time. Oh well, at least it's done now. However, my new show starts up on Sunday, so no rest for me. :)

Chris and I are okay, didnt' get to spend much time together this weekend, due to the show, but that's okay. Going to hang out tonight...so I'm excited. Out anniversary is this weekend too...even though it's been kinda rocky, I still concider us staying together this whole time...because we never did acctually "break up", at least, not in my mind.

Man, I'm so exausted. Getting funny vibes today at work too...I don't think all of the detectives like me, but I hope it's just me being paranoid. I don't want to loose this job, and according to AppleOne, by bosses like me, which I guess is the important part...I don't know. I jsut want to be good at my job and for people to like me...is that too much to ask?

Life...

...blows. Financially I can barely keep my head above water, and I'm getting really tired of trying to stay afloat. I have to crawl to my parents, again, this time they happen to be on vacation which sucks for me because makes me feel even more guilty, to ask for help. And frankly, I'm frusterated. And I know it's not fair to him, but right now, I don't know if I care. If chris haddn't left, none of this would be happening. It jsut wouldn't, financially everything would be fine. And I know it's not his fault, but I can't help but feel a little resentment at that fact. Granted, I could have left, but at least he has a bed to sleep on, I would be on my parent's couch if roles were reversed. I have no bedroom there anymore, I just don't. So I would have the three animals, sleeping on a couch. It just seemed logical to have him leave, but maybe I made the wrong choice. I don't even know. I just know I'm trying really hard not to feel resentment or anger at him, because it's not his fault I quit my pathetic excuse for a job, went unemployed, then got an ever shittier job for next to nothing in pay, all around the time he left. Not his fault...I guess you just have to live with your choice and the concequences that come with it....

...but he shouldn't have left.

Life

So, I'm still going to try and write in this every day...something to kill some time while I'm at work. :)

Isn't it funy that in the blink of an eye, your life can change dramatically? Monday everything gets worked out and you feel like you are on the right path to make things work, and then Wednesday everything is pretty much turned on it's head and you've got to start over again. Funny how life does that. One thing I'm trying to learn, and better myself with, is going with the flow more. Yea, I still get a little hot headed initially, that's just who I am...but just trying to rationalize when the initially reaction subsides, and see the good out of it. Hopefully I'm doing okay with it, change doesn't come very easily to me. :P

So hopefully things will be better now. A major stress I had in my life is now gone, so I'm hoping that it will make a significant difference.

Two more shows this weekend, looking forward to them, but a little sad it's ending. This was such a fun cast this year, hopefully next year's will be the same. :) Janet's show starts rehearsals soon, that should be fun. That group always makes me feel young again, which is nice. Nice not being the baby of the group sometimes. :)

So I guess that's all for now, possibly more later.

Stay positive!

Stopping

So, I think I'm stopping this thing until life calms down a bit...it's just too much right now. I feel like it's that time of the month, though I know it's not...and I just can't handle it with all this outside stress. SO I think I'll pick up when I start it again....jsut candle handle it right now...can barely handle life...let alone putting my body through this.

I Believe...

I believe in inside jokes, short sweet kisses, and the enjoyment of a snoring beagle. I believe in hope for a better tomorrow, skepticism that it will ever come, and watching funny movies that make you not really care.

I believe in:

spiced apple chai by the river.
one night stands that lead to lifelong commitments
puppy love
comfortable silences
chocolate milk and cookies
wearing your heart on your sleeve
holding hands just for the sake of touching
laughing until your drink comes out your nose
cuddling to keep warm
enjoying the grass between your feet
deep conversations
letting yourself be helped
missing your mom when youre sick
ranting and raving until youre blue in the face
respecting others fears and dreams
sleeping in
thinking nonstop about someone you just met
admitting you dont know
the commercialism of flowers and trinkets
taking everything in stride
crying when the situation calls for it
crying sometimes when the situation doesnt call for it
hugs
living without fear

What do you believe in?